What are you doing this summer seems to the question floating around, to which I will proudly answer NOTHING!
My last post was about "mommy guilt" and just how caught up in I've become in it. That is one situation where I've got no one to blame but me, myself and I. I'm quickly finding that the only way out of this rabbit hole is to UNplug! Let me explain, ugh! too long, let me sum up...
When I was a child we moved almost every year, sometimes twice a year, it did not make it any easier for me to adapt to change and honestly it didn't make it harder either, it was what it was. I like to jest that my mother was part gypsy. Being an only child friends were my books and they made any move easier because there was always a library in town. The end result is that I never really learned how to "plug-in". Fast-forward to marriage and children specifically the latter as they have a way of changing things because unlike me, my children are very social creatures.
Our first move as a married couple was difficult because I had met my beloved friend, who praise the Lord, we still stay in touch and are very much a part of each others lives. I was perfectly happy in my box with my one trusted friend and my husband. I had no desire to "expand" from that. My husband would joke that although I appeared to be "social" I wouldn't make friends and of course I would reply back (and mean it) why do I need more friends I have "x"! Leaving her was not easy for me and in my "maturity" I picked a fight with her so I wouldn't have to say goodbye. Another story for another day, suffice it to say, God is good and He not only redeemed that situation He made that friendship sweeter than ever.
We lived in CO for 12 years but it wasn't until the last half that I finally experienced what the "get plugged-in" buzz was all about and although it took me a while to figure it out I never wanted to leave. The move to VA was an emotional one, our marriage "grew up" in CO, our babies were born there and we had (still do) some amazing friends. Unlike me, who can survive with my books, coffee dates and Skype dates with my long-distance friends, my family isn't. I am nervous around people and the proof is in my mouth. The more I talk, the more awkward I feel. It's like that commercial, "I've fallen and I can get up!" mine would be more like, "I'm nervous, this is awkward, make it stop!!"
I quickly learned that getting "plugged-in" to foreign territory is quite the uphill battle. Specially an area that is all too caught up in the "anything you can do, I can do better." I've never been one to fit in, it's simply not one of my gifts. I'm not "precious" like that. The more I try to "fit in" the more frustrated I become. Not to mention how irritating it is when people "bring you into their world" only to keep you on the outskirts, really! I'm too old for these games I have no time for the passive-aggressive behavior. I'm not trying to be queen of "your world" I'm already queen of my own planet so there, haha!!!
I digress, after three years in this rat-race, I'm ready to unplug. By Christmas 2013, I wanted to quit everything church, co-op, activities, all of it. By February of this year, I'm back on the saddle again and I kept thinking, "just get to June, this too shall pass" June is almost here and I couldn't be happier.
In my attempts to "fit-in" I've lost my boundaries. I lost the ability to say, "NO, I don't want to" meaning, I don't owe you an explanation, I simply don't want to. I have a date with my couch and no, I'm not willing to break it so you can treat me with indifference. Or "no, I don't think that is best for our family right now," without feeling guilty about it. Instead I have just gone with the flow and the mommy guilt. To say I'm exhausted would be an understatement, I have little steam left and it shows because my girls are getting my leftovers and that's just not acceptable.
I'm desperately seeking to reconnect with my God, my husband and my kids and I don't need to take a selfie and post it on Facebook so that the general public can monitor my progress or validate me by telling me how "awesome" I am. I really don't need nor am I interested in the superfluous.
My goal for this summer is to toss the calendar, YIKES! I keep reminding myself that it will be there in September; I can and will survive a summer without planning something every week, at least that is the "plan" (pun intended).
Here's to an unscripted summer!
My last post was about "mommy guilt" and just how caught up in I've become in it. That is one situation where I've got no one to blame but me, myself and I. I'm quickly finding that the only way out of this rabbit hole is to UNplug! Let me explain, ugh! too long, let me sum up...
When I was a child we moved almost every year, sometimes twice a year, it did not make it any easier for me to adapt to change and honestly it didn't make it harder either, it was what it was. I like to jest that my mother was part gypsy. Being an only child friends were my books and they made any move easier because there was always a library in town. The end result is that I never really learned how to "plug-in". Fast-forward to marriage and children specifically the latter as they have a way of changing things because unlike me, my children are very social creatures.
Our first move as a married couple was difficult because I had met my beloved friend, who praise the Lord, we still stay in touch and are very much a part of each others lives. I was perfectly happy in my box with my one trusted friend and my husband. I had no desire to "expand" from that. My husband would joke that although I appeared to be "social" I wouldn't make friends and of course I would reply back (and mean it) why do I need more friends I have "x"! Leaving her was not easy for me and in my "maturity" I picked a fight with her so I wouldn't have to say goodbye. Another story for another day, suffice it to say, God is good and He not only redeemed that situation He made that friendship sweeter than ever.
We lived in CO for 12 years but it wasn't until the last half that I finally experienced what the "get plugged-in" buzz was all about and although it took me a while to figure it out I never wanted to leave. The move to VA was an emotional one, our marriage "grew up" in CO, our babies were born there and we had (still do) some amazing friends. Unlike me, who can survive with my books, coffee dates and Skype dates with my long-distance friends, my family isn't. I am nervous around people and the proof is in my mouth. The more I talk, the more awkward I feel. It's like that commercial, "I've fallen and I can get up!" mine would be more like, "I'm nervous, this is awkward, make it stop!!"
I quickly learned that getting "plugged-in" to foreign territory is quite the uphill battle. Specially an area that is all too caught up in the "anything you can do, I can do better." I've never been one to fit in, it's simply not one of my gifts. I'm not "precious" like that. The more I try to "fit in" the more frustrated I become. Not to mention how irritating it is when people "bring you into their world" only to keep you on the outskirts, really! I'm too old for these games I have no time for the passive-aggressive behavior. I'm not trying to be queen of "your world" I'm already queen of my own planet so there, haha!!!
I digress, after three years in this rat-race, I'm ready to unplug. By Christmas 2013, I wanted to quit everything church, co-op, activities, all of it. By February of this year, I'm back on the saddle again and I kept thinking, "just get to June, this too shall pass" June is almost here and I couldn't be happier.
In my attempts to "fit-in" I've lost my boundaries. I lost the ability to say, "NO, I don't want to" meaning, I don't owe you an explanation, I simply don't want to. I have a date with my couch and no, I'm not willing to break it so you can treat me with indifference. Or "no, I don't think that is best for our family right now," without feeling guilty about it. Instead I have just gone with the flow and the mommy guilt. To say I'm exhausted would be an understatement, I have little steam left and it shows because my girls are getting my leftovers and that's just not acceptable. I'm desperately seeking to reconnect with my God, my husband and my kids and I don't need to take a selfie and post it on Facebook so that the general public can monitor my progress or validate me by telling me how "awesome" I am. I really don't need nor am I interested in the superfluous.
My goal for this summer is to toss the calendar, YIKES! I keep reminding myself that it will be there in September; I can and will survive a summer without planning something every week, at least that is the "plan" (pun intended).
Here's to an unscripted summer!
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