After a crazy-fun-exhausting summer, I decided that as much as I love Fall (it's my favorite season), I was not ready for it to begin. We took a much wanted vacation to Colorado, which I must say was awesome and sad. Awesome, because I longed to be home. I longed to see my friends - friends that although the miles separate us, have not allowed the distance to keep us apart and our friendships continue to grow in spite of the distance. Those peeps are loyal, I tell ya! Sad, because I was reminded of just how much I miss them. It is times like these that I am really thankful for technology. Suffice it to say, my summer ended too soon. It didn't help that we got bronchitis and it zapped two weeks out of our summer. I'm getting old, I don't recover that quickly, ha!
It's been 3yrs now since we have been in Fredericksburg (the "Burg") or the place I like to refer to as Ninevah, and I think I'm finally getting into a groove. Of what? Well, the jury is still out on that. It's been a challenge to fit in. It's felt as though I've had to lose myself and become something I am not in order to belong. Or as long as I'm a good fan of all things "you," then "Yay! I'm so fun and awesome;" inevitably the thought that I have to constantly stroke people's egos in exchange for a relationship gets old. It's just a matter of time when these types of relationships are challenged. Which apparently is the unspoken, "unforgivable sin" -- you do not challenge, you silly minion, stick with the status quo! In spite of these challenges, there was an opportunity for us to run away, I mean relocate to Georgia; however, we felt that it wasn't the right thing for us as a family and we chose to stay.
We had such awesome synergy back home and it's hard not to want the same here. Mind you, we attended three different churches in CO. One we were actively part of its growth and as such when my mother was diagnosed with cancer (and her subsequent passing), I needed to grieve and it was a challenge to do so in a 3K+ member church (and growing) of which at least half of them knew who I was. I was hard to miss since I help run the children's programs. We left with their blessing and I sat in the back row of another church and those folks just loved on me in a meaningful and powerful way. It was at that church that I met my homeschool mentor and some other really cool folks. We didn't stay there because although it was a great place for me personally, we were looking at activities for the entire family and that is how we landed at the church we call home. Thanks to social media we are able to maintain close ties with folks from all three, including the pastoral staff. Thankfully there's no awkwardness because we chose to worship at a different place. We are thankful for friends from each of those places of worship and thankful as to how each ministers in a meaningful way to the community that God has called them to serve. When you think about it, if the Apostle Paul was to write a letter to "the church in Denver," it wouldn't be one specific place, of worship it would be all the saints in that region.
In the meanwhile, back in Nineveh, my world got reduced to the size of a pinhole. I am learning to bloom because God has seen it fit to plant me here, the place where the busy-busy culture and buzz of the DC lifestyle has its tentacles stretched far and wide and being about an hour and a half away from DC does not provide any shelter whatsoever. I've had to face some very personal challenges while residing in Nineveh, and not being able to pour a cup of coffee with my dearest of friends took its toll on me emotionally. Freshly off the boat, if you will, I hadn't even attended the first meet and greet, I miscarried. It was my daughters who sat in the hospital waiting room when we received the news of my pregnancy as well as the loss. A year later I had another miscarriage and shortly after that my father passed away. God used certain people here to minister to me and I'm so thankful that His love never fails. I spent the better part of our first year here crying. I'm pretty sure that my girls attributed my tears to having to live in a dry county, ha! At the time the area where we were living didn't have a Starbucks and when you enjoy coffee like I do, we call that a dry county. We've since moved, ha!
There comes a breaking point if you will where you just have to cry out to God and thankfully He can take it, and ask WHY did you bring us here? If you're going to keep us here we need a burning bush or at least some smoke signals pointing us to where you want us. After I made that audible rebel yell, ahem! I mean prayer, I looked like Pig-Pen from all the smoke backlash.
In the midst of recovering from bronchitis I learned that the grassroots organization that my dear friend has been working on was starting to take off and she wanted me on the team. I was humbled and scared. Humbled because I truly believe she is on a mission from God and not in a Blues Brothers kind of way but rather a God-given, anointed mission. I am humbled that she has asked me to partner with her. I've always encouraged and supported her; I just didn't realize that her God-given mission included me being a part of the team. I'm scared because I feel so inadequate. The first and last time I spoke in public, I got sick. Nevermind that I was in the midst of a full-blown gall bladder attack, of which I had no idea was occurring. Nevertheless the internal stress that I put myself through just thinking about speaking triggered an attack of Biblical proportions. Even so, I am confident that God will equip me when He calls me to speak.
Speaking of equipping, shortly after saying yes to my friend, She encourages me to apply to the Chuck Colson Center's Centurion worldview program. The application process was somewhat intimidating for me. When asked what books I had read lately, of course I had to be honest and I indicated that as a homeschool parent my library was mostly curriculum based and our reading time consisted of literary works by Laura Ingalls, E.B. White, Dr. Seuss and the like. I was expecting a "Thanks, but try again later." Apparently, they felt my brain was in desperate need of intellectual stimuli and my application was accepted. Honestly, I didn't quite know what to do; as a matter of fact, I tried to get out of it only to be personally contacted and encouraged to proceed. It's not everyday that I get a call like the one I received. It was as close to the audible voice of God telling me, "You are not squirming your way of this!" Got it, Lord, loud and clear.
I was able to travel back to Colorado for the 1st residency. I can't begin to tell you how delighted I was to not only go back to Colorado, but to visit the castle! When I lived in Colorado, I made it a habit to visit Glen Eyrie on a regular basis. I referred to my time spent there as "castle therapy." The grounds are best defined as all things pleasant and even that doesn't do it justice.
My favorite part of the residency was...everything! However, our time spent in worship was extra-special. I felt as though I was personally being brought before the Throne. I was not a spectator during worship but rather an active participant. Words fail me. The work is intense and awesome. I am so thankful that God didn't let me bail out. It is such a blessing to learn from these men and women. The fact that they are investing and pouring into my life blows my mind. I still have no idea how God plans on using this season of my life, but I have no doubt that He will equip me to do whatever it is He is calling me to do. Just when I think I've read a lot, oh no, there's MORE reading and then there's more questions. I am sure it will all come together soon. If the sole purpose of us coming to Ninevah was so I could go through this training and work with my friend on this grassroots effort, then the "traumatic" relocation and my world being reduced to the size of a pinhole has been worth it.
It's been 3yrs now since we have been in Fredericksburg (the "Burg") or the place I like to refer to as Ninevah, and I think I'm finally getting into a groove. Of what? Well, the jury is still out on that. It's been a challenge to fit in. It's felt as though I've had to lose myself and become something I am not in order to belong. Or as long as I'm a good fan of all things "you," then "Yay! I'm so fun and awesome;" inevitably the thought that I have to constantly stroke people's egos in exchange for a relationship gets old. It's just a matter of time when these types of relationships are challenged. Which apparently is the unspoken, "unforgivable sin" -- you do not challenge, you silly minion, stick with the status quo! In spite of these challenges, there was an opportunity for us to run away, I mean relocate to Georgia; however, we felt that it wasn't the right thing for us as a family and we chose to stay.
We had such awesome synergy back home and it's hard not to want the same here. Mind you, we attended three different churches in CO. One we were actively part of its growth and as such when my mother was diagnosed with cancer (and her subsequent passing), I needed to grieve and it was a challenge to do so in a 3K+ member church (and growing) of which at least half of them knew who I was. I was hard to miss since I help run the children's programs. We left with their blessing and I sat in the back row of another church and those folks just loved on me in a meaningful and powerful way. It was at that church that I met my homeschool mentor and some other really cool folks. We didn't stay there because although it was a great place for me personally, we were looking at activities for the entire family and that is how we landed at the church we call home. Thanks to social media we are able to maintain close ties with folks from all three, including the pastoral staff. Thankfully there's no awkwardness because we chose to worship at a different place. We are thankful for friends from each of those places of worship and thankful as to how each ministers in a meaningful way to the community that God has called them to serve. When you think about it, if the Apostle Paul was to write a letter to "the church in Denver," it wouldn't be one specific place, of worship it would be all the saints in that region.
There comes a breaking point if you will where you just have to cry out to God and thankfully He can take it, and ask WHY did you bring us here? If you're going to keep us here we need a burning bush or at least some smoke signals pointing us to where you want us. After I made that audible rebel yell, ahem! I mean prayer, I looked like Pig-Pen from all the smoke backlash.
In the midst of recovering from bronchitis I learned that the grassroots organization that my dear friend has been working on was starting to take off and she wanted me on the team. I was humbled and scared. Humbled because I truly believe she is on a mission from God and not in a Blues Brothers kind of way but rather a God-given, anointed mission. I am humbled that she has asked me to partner with her. I've always encouraged and supported her; I just didn't realize that her God-given mission included me being a part of the team. I'm scared because I feel so inadequate. The first and last time I spoke in public, I got sick. Nevermind that I was in the midst of a full-blown gall bladder attack, of which I had no idea was occurring. Nevertheless the internal stress that I put myself through just thinking about speaking triggered an attack of Biblical proportions. Even so, I am confident that God will equip me when He calls me to speak.
Speaking of equipping, shortly after saying yes to my friend, She encourages me to apply to the Chuck Colson Center's Centurion worldview program. The application process was somewhat intimidating for me. When asked what books I had read lately, of course I had to be honest and I indicated that as a homeschool parent my library was mostly curriculum based and our reading time consisted of literary works by Laura Ingalls, E.B. White, Dr. Seuss and the like. I was expecting a "Thanks, but try again later." Apparently, they felt my brain was in desperate need of intellectual stimuli and my application was accepted. Honestly, I didn't quite know what to do; as a matter of fact, I tried to get out of it only to be personally contacted and encouraged to proceed. It's not everyday that I get a call like the one I received. It was as close to the audible voice of God telling me, "You are not squirming your way of this!" Got it, Lord, loud and clear.
I was able to travel back to Colorado for the 1st residency. I can't begin to tell you how delighted I was to not only go back to Colorado, but to visit the castle! When I lived in Colorado, I made it a habit to visit Glen Eyrie on a regular basis. I referred to my time spent there as "castle therapy." The grounds are best defined as all things pleasant and even that doesn't do it justice.
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