Affirmation vs Narcissism

I have seen various iterations of this article floating around in the blogsphere and while it has some "good points" I don't think the author makes his case. When someone I knew posted it I stated my opinion and the response I received was not what I expected. The individual being in a prominent position of a church I had previously attended immediately deleted my remarks and then deleted me.  See! I'm an equal opportunity offender, ha! Just when I thought I only offended those who differ politically with me, surprise!

I've been deleting people from my list for about two months now and every time I delete people new people that I either I don't talk to (and am not interested in stalking, ha!) or I forgot we were "friends" show up on my feed.  I had completely forgotten that we had a "Facebook friendship" until her post showed up and I (naturally) responded.  I digress, her actions did not bother me because we are no longer "friends" it bothered me for completely different reasons.  Allow me to share the article that started it all.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/5-really-bad-reasons-leave-your-church

At the end of the day, the author doesn't make his case very well.  He is discounting legitimate reasons that an individual may have by lumping everything into five categories, say what?! Which begs the question, what then constitutes as a "legitimate" reason, for which the author gives no answer.  He basically says, that you need to pull it together because you have an allegiance to the church and shame on you if you don't honor it. Actually, my allegiance is to the cross not a man (unless your name is Jesus Christ) and definitely not a church building.

Some of the commentators of this article do a great job in rebutting his so-called arguments and I dared to point them out, what was I thinking?!!  Here are a few -

I am going to graciously disagree with you. Those five are all great reasons to leave the church. They are also great reasons not to leave the church. It is the matter of the heart and where each person needs to be. And since we only know our own hearts we cannot even begin to understand anyone else's heart. God will deal with those who leave for the wrong reasons, but one can't sum up in a nice little list and say it is so. - GMT 

The diversity of churches is like the diversity of characters and personalities. And there is such a thing as "a good fit" in a church - when someone experiences a connection to the others, relationships are flourishing, and you sense a oneness of mind on the essentials and the expression of church life. There is nothing wrong with trying to find a church that is the best fit for you, if you recognize that every church is going to get uncomfortable at times. The question is when do you reach your threshold of tolerance? This articles seems to leave no room for peaceful departure. Insisting that one stay in a church could be an onerous burden. There is nothing so sacred about any given church that it requires undying loyalty. What if everyone leaves? So what. Face it, some churches are meant to die. - KP

I believe that a pastor's job is similar to a shepherd. They're supposed to keep track of their flock, watch the health of the flock as a whole and on an individual basis, to guide them to good pastures...If you force some people into receiving ministry, but refuse ministry to the ones that ask for it, then that's another fail. If you're too busy administrating to prepare a sermon, then that's another fail. I understand you have busy lives with children and houses to keep up, but we have that and a job that sucks up 40 hours or so of our week. We need you to not give us the necessary food to keep us spiritually alive, but fuel on the fire of our relationship with God. Even if you think that as "mature" Christians, we shouldn't require spiritual food from you, what about the young believers, the struggling believers, the believers that have been taught opinions rather than Scripture? - HW

I think these commentators made some valid points none of which the author addresses.  The author, who is self-described, by his coffee addiction and chronic dreaming doesn't consider any of the above. While I love me a great cup of java and as appealing as the idea of my pastor leading me to dark roast coffee bean pastures sounds that is not what I need from my spiritual leadership.

I  am so fed up with the narcissist society that we have become. It's to be expected from the world, I get that. However, it has not only permeated into the Christian community, it's changing how Christians treat each other as evidenced in yesterday's "lack of interaction" where the sentiment was "how dare you put a dissenting opinion on my wall?!"  We have created this notion that we just want an echo of agreement from others. People *must* affirm us all the time or else they are no longer "good enough" to be surrounded by our own self-created awesomeness, bleh!

Newsflash, you're not that awesome. Only God is and if not but for the grace of God, you'd be in even worse shape. If you find a brother/sister in Christ that you don't necessarily get along with no biggie, during your prayers just ask Jesus to not put your mansion next to theirs. In the interim, grow up! I'm so tempted to pull a Jack Nicholson on some people, "You can't handle the truth!"  It's almost laughable to put your insecurities on display by telling the world you can't handle a respectful discourse. How do you plan on making a difference in a world that is becoming God *less* by the minute when you can't handle a difference of opinion with a fellow Christian?

I know I hold to what some would describe as "strong opinions" and yet people of different religious and political persuasions have been known to disagree with me on my wall, GASP!!! so long as the discourse remains respectful I take no issue with it. It's quite a statement when I can look at this situation and think to myself, "Dang! I know liberals with more class than that!"  Full disclosure: I have deleted (and will) people who are disrespectful. I usually take it offline and if we can't resolve it, that's what the delete button is for.

Back to the article, and this pastor's "lecture" on what constitutes as what a *valid* reason is for leaving a church; I don't  have anything against coffee (and dreaming) we all know how much I love coffee (and sleep), but his advice lost its steam. Much to my surprise, I had no idea that pointing out potential fallacies in said arguments would yield such division in the body. While I no longer attend that church, I still believe that we are one body and that there's only one heaven, guess what, we're all going to the same place, shocker, I know!! I'll be there and you can't kick me out, ha!  Don't worry, I'll have you over so we can break bread, drink coffee and eat lots of chocolate, after all it is heaven.