A Tale of Two Women

I was born a poor Puerto Rican child with no rhythm, I really was.  Actually, I was the child of a teenage unwed mother whose family chose life.  My mother had to grow up at record speed and the inevitable conflict that stems from a teenage pregnancy surrounded the early years of my life, which I was oblivious to because I was too busy playing with dolls and learning to read.

Growing up I had two moms, my mother and my grandmother. These two pillars loved me fiercely and through the years they've left long-lasting impressions, a legacy if you will, that I carried with me into adulthood. Here's a snippet:

1. Don't be a victim!
I never forget when my mom brought us to America. I didn't know any English. Once upon a time parents could put their foot down at the school and win and win she did. The administrative staff thought that it be best if I was placed in a "slower paced" classroom because I didn't know any English but Mom knew best. I sat there as she fought to not have me placed in the program. I never forget my young mother (she was but 22) firmly stating, "My daughter will go into the regular classes and she will learn. If you treat her like a victim, she will act like one and I am not raising a victim!"  In no uncertain terms my mother made it clear to them and to me that I was going to learn and succeed. I was on the honor roll by the end of the year and every subsequent year after that.

2. You fall, you get back up
I've had more failures than I care to recall and I got back up again. I had no choice, remember the "momma didn't raise a victim." mantra I was raised with. Before my mom passed away we had a heart-to-heart talk in which she could visibly see the desperation in my eyes, HOW was I going to go on without this pillar to lean on?  She proceeded to tell me that she was proud of the woman that she raised. As she put it, "I can drop you in pile of dirt (she was more colorful) and you will come out smelling like a rose."  Through the tears I told her I certainly didn't feel like a rose but she continued to speak life into her child until her last breath. That is the best gift she ever gave me.


3. Take care of yourself
Let us not forget my other mom. We've always had an inside joke in our home that Grandma would enter the pearly gates *after* her Saturday appointment at the beauty shop. My grandmother is in her 80's and to this day she *still* goes to the beauty parlor every Saturday 10am, you can count on it. Just imagine "Steel Magnolias" with a Puerto Rican flair, those are the women in my family sans ME! Yea, I missed that memo.  In her own way, Mom (I've always called her Mom) taught me to make sure I take the time out to take care of myself, whatever that may look like. In my world, that is starting to take shape in taking care of my health and for vanity's sake (although I rarely wear make-up) Younique is starting to change that for me (b/c mascara). If only I could afford to fly my Puerto Rican hairstylist here once a month I would so do it. Since I can't, I visit every two years.

4. Don't hold grudges
My family is pretty dysfunctional but then again isn't everyone's?  We would argue and within minutes make-up.  We survived Monopoly, need I say more? In every family there's ups and downs, people will disappoint you, betray and fiercely protect you. If you recall, my mother was teenager when I was conceived.  My biological father was a married man with two children of his own. I'll spare you the details but suffice it to say the whole situation took my grandparents on an emotional roller coaster ride. Scripture says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Rom 8:28)  Having lived this life and being able to look back on our family's ups and downs I can say with confidence that it is so. Not only have I met my half-sister, I've enjoyed a relationship with her for about 20yrs, she's even met my grandparents.  During our last family reunion extravaganza my grandmother extended her a personal invitation to join us. There's nothing that God can't redeem, nothing that He can't make right or for that matter better. However, it would never have been possible if my Grandmother have remained angry/bitter or if she would've channeled her anger towards my half-sister for hurts of the past. My grandmother lives free of emotional baggage. She's taught me by her example to let go, lest I live distracted by bitterness and un-forgiveness.

5. Don't forget to pray
When I tell you this woman prays daily, I mean she prays daily.  All of us kids can vividly recall seeing her at the table with her prayer books every morning. We were not allowed to engage until *after* she finished. I grew up seeing this everyday! I didn't realize what a gift that was until I became a mom. I pray that my children remember me by the conversations they see me have with our Savior.

6. Be Generous
While this is a "Tale of Two Women" I can't leave out my Dad (Grandfather). My father was a generous man. He was generous with his time, his affection, and his resources. Even if all he could offer the person was a job for a day and a plate of rice and beans, he did so and did it with a happy heart.  On the day of his funeral a homeless man, whom my father fed regularly, was at the front door. I was not surprised by seeing a "stranger" around our house since it was very common for my father to feed "strangers."  I remember saying to my grandmother that we had company and when she realized who it was she had us hustle to put together a plate of food for him as she explained that he was a man that our father had told to come by should he need a meal (it was evident he could not work).  It was as though Dad was reminding us kids to not forget his legacy. To not forget to care for others. It was a beautiful message that we all got loud and clear as we gathered around the table grieving our loss.

There are many lessons that they taught me but these in particular stand out. I am committed to keep these memories alive.  Primarily so that I don't forget but also because I feel that they are valuable lessons that I want to pass on to my children. I have been blessed by their lives, prayers and convictions and I am thankful.