Apparently since its founding, Father's Day has not been celebrated with as much fanfare, attention or money as Mother's Day. Interesting. This has been a point of recent reflection for me and I'm sure one could analyze this in a myriad of ways and split hairs in the process. In recent weeks I've had some very interesting conversations with a few of my female friends and we all landed on the topic of men - specifically, the lack of male leadership. What was interesting was not the discussion itself, but rather our conclusion...
The lack of male leadership and masculinity in our culture is rampant; we see it everywhere. All you have to do is visit your local high school or mall and see what teenage boys are turning into...and it's not men. Sadly, you don't have to conduct a research study to see that the divorce rate is at an all time high; all you need to do is take a look at your immediate circle and you will see that manhood has taken a long walk off a short pier. As I mentioned, we all came to the same, albeit controversial, conclusion that - it's not the men, it's the women (GASP!) ...and the church isn't helping. Before you decide to assume a defensive posture, let's explore this topic.
Everyone wants to be a "leader" and it didn't take long for the church to jump on the bandwagon of "making leaders." Being a "leader" is the latest trend; the culture has declared being a leader to be the benchmark of achievement. After all, we need a plaque of our latest achievements to display on the mantle. We give lip service to being followers, but in the end "everybody wants to rule the world." Being a follower is simply not glamorous enough, it doesn't carry a big enough "title," and yet the God of the universe, the Creator of all things, came to serve us!! He, by His example, shows us what true leadership looks like. We don't need to develop more "leaders;" we need to develop a servant's heart. We need to serve like He served. That is the true measure of a man.
Mark 10:43 ~ "...but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant; and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be a slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many."When I say the church has become the enabling arm of this phenomenon, it is because we have "feminized" Jesus. We've turned Him into this gentle, long-hair, hirachi-sandal wearing, hippie-looking dude; and guess what, men don't get with that! Truth be told, I don't like that imagery myself. Additionally, the feminist movement has made its way into the Church making the Church "afraid" to be at at odds with the culture. The Church has bought the lie that it must adapt to the culture rather than to impact the culture. It is failing to be Biblical when it allows females to take on the role of Pastor/Elder roles. The Bible is clear women can (and should) serve in ministry and even in the role of a "Deacon." However, the role of Pastor/Elder is reserved for men. There are plenty of examples in Scripture of women in ministry roles, but never of them as the "head figure" of the church. Women like to get themselves all wound up and show how very capable they are of being in these roles; when in fact, their ability has nothing to do with what is Biblical.
Regarding Deborah, narrative is not normative, Deborah took leadership because there were no men to do it. Deborah stood for courage in a time of fear, she stood for godly wisdom in a time of human reasoning when "every man did what was right in his own eyes." She stood for decency and order in a chaotic time of sexual perversity and idolatry. Deborah was a leader who was the exception to the rule in her time. She did not try to get ahead of God and seek authority that did not belong to her. She could have capitalized on her reputation for making good judgments, unlike Miriam who briefly tried to exalt herself, but she knew her boundaries. Again, narrative is not normative.
Back in Genesis, God told the man and the woman what was about to happen as a result of their sin. To the woman, God specifically stated in Genesis 3:16 ~
"I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you."Time to do a little bit of studying, you see as women our built-in sin nature is such that our desire (what we most want) is to rule over our husbands (and men in general)! Look around, it's happening! The feminist movement has brought this to full-force application. The feminist movement has turned men into "Mr. Mom," meaning children are growing up with Mom & "Mom's assistant." Men don't learn how to be men around women, they learn how to be men around other men. In the end, women want a man who is provider, protector, lover, friend, and hero to their children. However, we are so busy "competing" with men and trying to "rule over them" it's no surprise men throw their hands up and say, "fine you lead the way / you're in charge." This is not God's design.
The pursuit of the American Dream might as well be renamed, "the deconstruction of manhood" for it has wreaked havoc on the family unit. Women are pursuing careers and/or supporting another man's vision, ultimately their own agenda because being a mother and wife is "just not enough." Granted, there are circumstances that may require the woman to (temporarily) assume the role of provider, but God is clear that He expects this from men. Scripture states that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. Too frequently women are letting men off the hook, only to become martyrs of their own cause, because they are in pursuit of their own agenda, when what we should be doing is encouraging men to take up their God-given role rather than competing with them.
"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." ~ 1 Timothy 5:8When is the last time you ever heard of a bunch of men getting together and asking other men to "please pray for my wife to do more cooking, ironing, cleaning..." contrast that with women. I know for a fact in Bible studies I've been in where women submit their prayer request about their husbands, "please pray for my husband to be a leader (basically for God to fix my husband so that he can exceed my expectations of him)" that's how that prayer should be said because all the other fluff is just a cover up. We have a problem because we are failing to develop male leadership. Whether or not we want to admit it, we need it and we want it, but first we must swallow our pride, confess our sin of wanting to rule over our husbands and then get out of God's way so that He can do what He needs to do in our men's lives to turn their hearts towards Him and develop the leaders that our society needs and that we desire in our homes.
Thankfully, God's grace covers a multitude of sins. Our culture is dealing with the "aftershock" of this trend and in its wake its left single mothers who have valiantly assumed the role of father and mother in their homes. For those women, I commend you. I was raised by a single mother and that is hard work! May God protect you and bless you as you put your trust in Him and raise the next generation for His glory. For my single friends, choose wisely. Choose a man who pursues God above all things and be prepared to complement him rather than to compete with him. To my married friends, be your husband's help-meet and help him rise to the occasion of being the servant-leader of your home. You will be blessed as a result. The goal should never be to keep up with the Jones's, by the way who are these people?! ja! Instead, the world should look at your marriage and see it as a living example of the Gospel.
