Feed His sheep

There's a recurring theme that I hear and to be honest it annoys me and that is when people say that I have "all this energy", I don't!  I am tempted to reply "I don't have a lot of energy, you're just lazy!"  I bite my tongue.  Let's not forget the "insecure" people.  Yea, about them, I don't like them, it's that simple. It's those  ladies that (with all the fake charm they can muster) "talk down" to me as if to keep me in my place (whatever that place is they think I should be in)  to them I want to say (but I don't) "why don't you stop redirecting your insecure feelings on me, grow up, I am an adult!" I'm feeling a bit sassy and I think I am going to start responding in kind just to see people's reaction.  In general people either love me or seriously dislike me when they meet me.  There is no "in-between" it's my magnetic personality, what can I say?

Shall I tell you something?  A couple years ago, I had a "feed my sheep" moment with God". For lack of a better word I "loved" my comfort zone, I think it could be said that I "worshiped it." I certainly didn't want anyone or any thing messing with it. I was living the dream in suburbia, going to the neighborhood parties, going to church on Sundays, giving my tithes and a lil' extra every now and then, and my home was my safe haven.

Then God spoke and God made it very clear to me that He did not make me to be "comfortable" I did not want to hear that, I made comfortable look good!! But God spoke and He told me that even more important than my "comfort zone" was the fact that I needed to be generous with His people.  I needed to be generous with His money, my talents and my time and everything else in between. I begrudgingly agreed thinking that he just wanted me to give a bit more and I could handle that.  Such was not the case.

My perfect little world got turned upside down instantly!!! My mom got cancer (subsequently died) none of the "stepford wives" I hung out with cared enough to bake a pot roast b/c like me they too "worshiped" their comfort zone. It was an eye-opener for me but God kept telling me to focus on Him and feed His sheep. I am not kidding when I tell you that I literally screamed during my prayer time "with what?! I've got nothing!"  God said "and now I can finally use you because you have all you need...ME!"

I can honestly tell you that there are times that I want to revert to my own little world.  People, you have no idea!! Today is a perfect example of that, we are paying for two households (and that includes utilities) and we're building a house.  We just moved to a new area and trying to "fit-in" has been frustrating at best. Let's add the insult to the injury with family issues.  I miss my girlfriends, our church, etc.  In the midst of what I see as a time of me being "needy" God tells me to get my eyes off myself!  Every time I think about "shutting down" God reminds me to "feed His sheep" and well, I keep on as best as I can.

A recent example of this is working with foreign exchange students. These kids are humanistic, secular, agnostic, self-centered, you name it. Everything that Christianity isn't but truth be told most people that claim to be Christians are, because they live like they don't need God instead God needs them. These are the people that Jesus hung out with.  Remember He came to reconcile the world unto himself, to heal the sick.  Seeing that I am a recovering fundamentalist, this is right up my alley.

I've come to the place where being uncomfortable IS my comfort zone.  I can only guess that it must be uncomfortable to watch me.  My response to that is "step away from your comfort zone, you weren't made to live in it."   Let the record show that I am exhausted! I don't know what all this "energy" is that you speak of, LOL! I don't have a lot of "energy", I am simply covered in His grace and living out loud on purpose because that, dear friends is how your faith is supposed to be lived.